I haven't been here in a few weeks. That ugly brain tumor took my mom two weeks ago at the age of 69. My sister and I are now in a race to clear her house as it sold one week prior to her death. We need to be out 8/27.

The amount of stuff in her house is overwhelming and somewhat unbelievable. With help from family and friends and a little bit of help from me, my sister was able to get things organized enough to have an estate sale this weekend. We will have everything 1/2 price tomorrow hoping to eliminate more.

Through this labor intensive and emotionally draining time, I've been forced to think about several things. These are not new ideas and many I've seen repeated on this forum numerous times. It's just such an eye-opener once you live the experience.

Lesson 1: If you have it, use it. If you don't use it, give it (or sell it) to someone who will enjoy it.

Most of the items we are finding were unfamiliar to us. She kept so many items that belonged to her mother, aunt, father, maternal and paternal grandparents, mother-in-law, my dad's aunt, the list goes on. Of course there were all the purchases she made on her own over the last few years. I have very few memories of the majority of the items we found. Problem is, some are very pretty and some are valuable so I am having a hard time deciding what to keep.

Lesson 2: Have a place for everything. If it doesn't have a home, it needs to leave yours.

While I am far from the point my mom was, I have too much stuff right now and that has increased over the past couple of weeks. I have to stay focused, but I believe I will be able to eliminate and get to a point that everything has a home, given a little time.

Lesson 3: Don't keep stuff just because it belonged to someone you love(d) or because it has been in the family for generations.

If you love it, keep it. If you don't, find a family member who does or sell it to a good home. I still struggle with this but I am much better that I was two years ago.

Lesson 4: Everything has a home and it shouldn't be crammed in a drawer or closet with a zillion other non-related items. It is so discouraging to open a drawer and find jewelry, medicine, tools, pens, gloves, dominoes, and expired driver's licenses. More than likely you aren't using anything in that drawer and it all needs to be relocated to a place it would be readily available for use or it needs to be put in the trash or donated.

Lesson 5: Make arrangements for the disposal of your personal property upon your death. Keep your inventory low and manageable at all times.

I sold many items over the last few days that I never thought I would get rid of. There were a couple of motivators.

1. I don't want to leave a mess for others to sort through.
2. I don't want to clutter my house more than it already is.
3. I NEED very little.
4. I learned that most of the stuff I keep will never leave a cabinet or drawer. It needs to have a use before it finds a home in mine.
5. I don't want to have to plan my life around things. The amount of stuff in my mom's house prevented her from having many visitors, including her children and grandchildren. Her house was nothing like you see on Hoarders, but the over abundance of stuff kept her from having company.

When I got the call about my mom, I had to run home and clean up my house in case we had visitors. It was in a panic when I remembered the condition I left my house in that morning. I am tired of panicking every time the doorbell rings or when I hear a car door.

Just finished day two of the estate sale. We got rid of lots of stuff but still have quite a bit. We'll work through it in the evenings this week.

I am sorry to hear about your Mom TG.

Great lessons and in fact what you are experiencing (with the decluttering)is what many people here faced but probably could not write it as matter of fact as you did.

Take time to grieve too.

So sorry to hear of your mom

Texas Girl:
((((((HUGS))))))) and my sincere condolences on the death of your mom. I too had a mom that kept "everything". The good thing was you had a time limit with the selling of her home.
That is hard at the time, but in the long run, you will be glad it was done.

I too don't want my kids to face what I had to, mom was somewhat of a hoarder, IMHO.

Texas Girl-You have my deepest sympathies on the loss of your mother.

My mother passed away almost 10 years ago & my sister 5 years ago. Having helped clear their homes, I experienced many of the same feelings that you are having. I am still working on downsizing, but I am living a much simpler life.

My DH is in end stage renal failure & is on a home dialysis program, so frankly I don't have time to deal with caring for alot of stuff. The more stuff you have the more of your time & energy gets stolen.

My condolences, TG. You are going through a very sad time which must have begun even before your DM passed away. (((( HUGS ))))

Thanks for the kind words.

Dianaro2 - We are both very thankful for the time limit. My sister, who is not a procrastinator or collector, mentioned several times how thankful she is for the time limit because life happens and we could potentially be dealing with this five years from now. What a waste of energy and money that would be!

hartbe - my DH is in end stage liver disease, so I can relate. Fortunately, he is able to care for himself most of the time. I just worry so much because I am gone from home for about 14 hours a day. That will reduce to about 10 hours once we get all the estate issues settled. I need to ask the neighbors to check in on him during the day.

One of these days I will stop and take the time to grieve. I haven't allowed myself to do that yet. I feel like we need to keep pushing through until we are done. I have two really good friends in my life and I know they will be here for me. I have hesitated to ask them for help with my house but I've reached a point that I may have to let them help me a little.

Thanks again for your support.

hartbe and Texas Girl:
My prayers for both of you and your DHs. (((((HUGS)))))))

What strong and inspiring women you are!

Knowing so many strong women here on GON is just wonderful.
When you hear others lives, it makes one realize just how blessed many of us are.

dianaro2-Thanks for your kind words. Fortunately, my DH is doing very well with his on his dialysis program. TYG!

Texas Girl: My deepest sympathies to you and your sister, too. Good luck with disposing of her belongings. And great life lessons for us all! Sorry, too, to hear about your DH; yes, asking a neighbor to check on him when you are not at home would be a good thing. (((HUGS)))

Hartbe: (((HUGS))) to you, too, as you deal with your DH's illness.