Hi everyone. I've been reading everyone's posts about productivity and biz's, getting jobs, their careers. Well, I used to be a stay at home mom and wife until one day I decided that I wasn't getting paid for what I do. I convince myself that it was time to get a career and a job, after all, it's time I got paid for things so that I could shop and pay bills just like all the rest of the people my age. I thought, well, that's right, I need to do something with my life. I turned to nursing school. Needless to say, I've worked as a floor nurse for the past 5 years, and its been chaotic and hectic. I quit work back in November due to some health issues, and plus I went back to school to further my career in nursing. Sometimes I think, dummy me, why did I do this? I wish I could just be at home and do the things that I enjoy such as cooking, cleaning, organizing, and having time for me and my family. But given the circumstances I am under with 3 people disabled in my home including myself, I decided that quitting is not an option right now. I wish I had it all to do over again, but it's too late, we have bills to pay. I thought that I would move and relocate and then be able to buy a house, etc. I moved, but none of the other things I wanted happened. We are on contract, but I think I would be much better off in a shack with no money and just tending to the homestead. So what stops me from quitting? My kids. I think that if I can work, which I have a lot of health issues now and people tell me I need to get my disability, but I don't want to do that because I know that my kids that are drawing disability will never be able to afford their own properties, so I keep on going hoping that one day if time and my health allows that I can purchase a place and give it to them. Is this a wise thing to do? What about vacations, etc.? You have to have money in order to travel, and I've never had one since back in 1994. So does a vacation or traveling really matter? I know what I want. I want a career, but I don't want to work the floor because of my physical problems, but I also want a decent small manageable home that I can call my own for a while, and one that I can hand down to my children, and I want to be able to go places like everyone else, even if its only 3 to 6 hours away. I also want to help my parents and family members with their financial problems. What should I do?

Wheretostart, off the top of my head I would say that first and foremost you have to look after yourself first. I don't mean in a selfish way, but just so that you have the energy and strength to get through your days. On an aircraft, the emergency spiel always includes the instruction to put on your own oxygen mask before helping others! You get the idea.

I can understand how you must long to help your parents and other family members with their finances, but you are not the only person in the world. Please let go of the burden of feeling responsible for relieving others' troubles. It seems to me that you have enough to cope with looking after yourself, your immediate family and your home.

Vacations are a mixed blessing as sometimes travel is tedious and the cost is alarming. Sometimes a weekend away or even a good day out can make a big difference to the way you feel, and small short breaks spaced throughout the year can do far more for you than endless work and then just the one major vacation.

I hope that the future will bring you better health and some good opportunities to improve your situation. ((((( HUGS )))))

Wheretostart-As Bushlady said, you need to take of your health first. You can't help others if you are unable to function.

That being said, perhaps you need to take a step back & look at what you really want to do & why. Do you want to have a career or shop because it is what YOU want to do or because it is what you think you should do? There is no "one size fits all" plan for everyone. What is right for me would by no means be right for you.

Not knowing what disabilities your children have, I would question buying a house to pass it along to them. Would they be able to take care of a house & property, or would it be a burden to them?

Is traveling important to YOU, or again, is it something that you think you should do? I don't enjoy traveling. I would rather do something locally, have a nice lunch or dinner out, & come home to my comfortable bed.

Never allow yourself to be sucked into the idea that you should do something because that is what everyone else does.

Should I want what I want or should I put my family first? I want to make money, but it is not about the money at all even though I need the money. I want to help others. I think I am always thinking of others other than myself. I guess I need to take your advice and take a look at myself and get myself together before I can help someone else. So my plan is to finish school, but if I don't get a job right away, I am not going to panic. I am going to choose a job that's right for me wisely and maybe just work part time would help me a lot starting out. That way I can find a balance between home and work and still get paid. After all, that is why I furthered my career to work less but get paid the same amount that I was making which was a fair amount to live on. I can sustain myself with a smaller paycheck.

Wheretostart, you seem to have identified a major concern which is affecting your life. You want to help others, which sounds very good, but sometimes this thought can take over. I think you need to understand why you have this particular drive. Does it stem from genuine compassion, or is it from the addictive need to help others that comes from co-dependency?

The reason I ask this is because I have had co-dependency issues myself, so that everyone else's needs and lives were more important to me than my own. These attitudes often arise from one's childhood experiences, perhaps not having one's own needs met, or from being in an enmeshed relationship with a parent or there being some form of addiction within the childhood home. There are many reasons.

Please understand that you are a beautiful person and you are meant to have a life of your own, feelings of your own, and opportunities of your own. Your plan to finish school is a good one. You can meet the next challenge when this is done. Remember, it's all about babysteps when you are a GONer, whether you are trying to keep up with your home or with your life. (((( HUGS ))))

Thanks Bushlady. Looks like though, if I don't pass this quarter at school, I will definitely be at home more. I wish I could make money at home and not have to go out to find work. I love blogging and some people do good at that, but I tried it before and it didn't take off like I had hoped. I guess I shouldn't put my hope in internet jobs. Maybe I can do telehealth nursing like a friend of mine mentioned if I make through the next round. I did have 3 more months of school, but I failed a class, so that set me back by another 4 months. So now instead of finishing in September, I will be finishing in January and then I have the joy of trying to pass my nursing exam. Good thing I held onto my LPN nursing license, but now I have to figure out a way to get the money to do my CEU's and to renew my license in October. With no money, I have not idea how I am going to accomplish this. I have to look high and low and even try to put it on my credit card I guess. I don't know what else to do.

Well, the semester is halfway over. I am doing fine right now. Maybe I should just put my worries aside and try to change things a little at a time in my life just like the baby steps on organizing and cleaning. Sometimes things can overwhelm us easily. Good thing is, my clinicals are over for this quarter already and that will give me time to clean, organize, study, and exercise, and get back into church Bible study. Got a lot I want to accomplish, but one day and one thing at a time. I am not going to fear. I am going to do this. That is my motto for today and I am going to stick to it.

My DFIL's favourite hymn when he was alive was "One day at a time". I think it is something we all need to remember. Sounds like you have the right ideas, wheretostart. You are on your way! I'm rooting for you. (((( HUGS ))))

Well, so far my plans are working for me. I finished this quarter of clinicals, and I am still in class and so far I am passing. I hope I can end with a good finish to this. If I fail again, I am in big trouble. Anyways, so since I only go to school for 2 classes and I go 2 days a week now, then I have had time to get some cleaning and organizing done. I have gotten almost all of the kitchen cabinets cleaned and organized, all of the appliances are clean except one, and I have thrown away a mountain load of shredded papers from my bedroom. I got to look through some totes I had sitting around and now I am trying to get my cleaning and organizing done before the big holidays get here. I have to take time to study, but I also made some lists. One list is a daily to do list consisting of homework, errands, etc. by priority, and another list is my weekly menus, which helps tremendously. I think sometimes if I hear another one of my kids say "mom, what's for supper?" I think I could just scream, so I made a menu and I tell them to go to the menu and stop asking me every single day. So far, that is working for us, but time to time we have no idea, and I totally understand them asking me so I started asking them what they would like to eat, but within healthy limits. So now they get to get in on the menu making game too. I also made a list of daily chores to do, and a daily routine list--one for the morning and one for the evening. It has been working for me pretty well, especially since I've got a lot on my mind, it helps by writing it all down. I have also learned to take time for myself to relax and do a little something I enjoy whether it's watching tv or surfing the internet or learning about a new hobby it seems to get my mind off the stressful things from time to time. Some friends of mine have been supportive too and encouraging me and so I make it a point to call them at least once or twice a week to talk about things bothering me. They told me that I need someone to talk to, and they even thanked me for calling them. I never knew anyone cared so much. So I am happier right now. When school is finally over and I am finally free, I will be even more happier and when my house is done by doing baby steps, I can look back and say, look what all I did over the past days. Not to be stressed or rushed is a good thing, so slowing down and taking my time has been a God send. When things get aggravating to me, I just walk away and then go back to it and so what if I don't it all done in one time frame, as long as it gets done.

That is the most positive I have heard you sound WTS. Sounds like things are looking up a bit.

Having a menu us a great start. On the nights when you don't know what to make, peanut butter sandwiches are fine. Most people have peanut butter and bread in the house. One night of that won't hurt anyone.