I know Diana. I said to my friend can you imagine if I had to hold down a job as well as college, DS, volunteering, and checking the inlaws and my grandad.

I must admit it never seems as hectic as it reads well hardly ever I am only ringing the inlaws and grandad tonight then I am taking the night off from everything else. It has been a tough day in school today and I am tired.

I have the birthday party behind me. It went well enough. I had some uninvited visitors before hand so had a lot of extra cleaning to do. this week's goals:

Having a clean and tidy environment:
*clean DD's room (guest room)
*maintain level of organization with baby steps fwd
*clean and store patio furniture
*deep clean bathroom

Have some leisure time and work on hobbies:
*scrapbooking
*read books/return to bookmobile

Participate in community events:
*4H mtg (bring items for foodbank)
*attend Veteran's Day Program
*volunteer in DD's class
*piano recital?

Encourage DDs to be fit and active:
*gymnastics X2

Our ministers are also coming sometime Thurs for a couple of days.

nov goals
keep up w errands
go out to dinner at least once/week this month
hold bj's shopping to once this momth
go out w friends or w mike at least 1x every 2 weeks

clean 3 days/week and do 3 cleaning steps each of those days
do b/s on afghan
stay c/u on email
read a book
-------------------------------
mon i listened to 6 hrs audio on here, so was c/u on 1 folder of email. while i listened i knitted

tue i bought 'metro food'

wed i listened to another 5 1/2 hrs of audio on here and knitted while i listened. i was down to just 2 email when i went to bed at 11am wed

thu i bought gas and was 100 % c/u on here as of 7am

mary

Yea! for you Mary!

Maureen:
Glad the party went so well. You did good considering all the extra work you did.

Well it was all going so well and then this morning I had a huge and I mean huge argument with my mother. I told her a lot of home truths that I had been bottling up for a while about how she treated me and others. Her reponse was that if that is how I feel then that is up to me, but that she is in no way reponsible for how I feel.

Huh? I won't go into detail and bore you with the whole thing, but I said to her how hurt I was by things she had done and gave examples and she was not interested in acknowledging any of it.

I was very angry, hurt and tearful, then I realised today has been quite good really. I got alot off my chest, in doing so I realised it changes nothing as empathy is a quality my mother does not possess, and in realising what a complete narcissist she is I am able to let her go. I know I tried my best and that is all a person can do.

The next step is up to her and to be honest at this point in time a break be it temporary or permanent is something I am looking forward to. I have nothing left to give

On the plus side I spoke to my granddad and aunt on the phone and I met up with my dad, another aunt and my brother today and realised how loved I am by them all

Karen: (((HUGS))) It's good that you were able to tell your mother how you felt. Now it is time to move forward.

nov goals
keep up w errands
go out to dinner at least once/week this month
hold bj's shopping to once this momth
go out w friends or w mike at least 1x every 2 weeks

clean 3 days/week and do 3 cleaning steps each of those days
do b/s on afghan
stay c/u on email
read a book
-------------------------------

fri i didn't do any errands, but i did get an hr of cleaning done, so just 1 more 1/2 hr of work to do
----------------------------------------------------------------------
karen {{{HUGS}}}

mary

Karen:
Sometimes truth hurts, but maybe mom might start thinking.
If not, like you said many people love you! (((((HUGS))))))
Sorry you were so upset.

Thanks ladies! I was upset and I am still that she is the way she is, but and it is a huge but I feel free now. Does that make sense?

The thought that I don't have to deal with all the mind games and negativity is a huge relief. I will miss the concept of a mother - daughter relationship, but the reality in my case is something I can let go of. Whether my feelings will change as time goes on I do not know, but that is how I feel now.

I am blessed many people do love me just the way I am. My brother pointed out that now we both know that we are able to see just how destructive our relationship with our mother has been for our self esteem. Incidentally he distanced himself from DM years ago.

Anyway onwards and upwards I spent the day with my granddad yesterday at my house. I sat for ages watching him and DS do jigsaws together it was so cute. I then spent the evening with the inlaws.