At this point, he is paralyzed on the right side, cannot speak or communicate and is not following any commands.

It is a tough situation indeed. Here is this man that has caused me and my children so much pain with his mouth, and now he can't speak. And, of course, my feelings for him haven't just vanished. I have loved him for 10 years. I feel very strongly that I need to be there for him. If this had happened to me, he would most definitely be there for me, I know that without a doubt. He drove over 100 miles just to help me through a panic attack. He's walked the floors with me at night when I've awoken in shear terror. He's held my hair back for me when I've been vomitting from sickness and wiped my forehead with wet towels.

Sorry, I've been so strong these past couple of weeks with the help from all of you, but I honestly never in a million years thought that something like this would happen. He is a very healthy man. He is not obese. He exercises. He doesn't drink or smoke or do drugs. It just doesn't make any sense.

Definitely not a good situation all the way around. Will pray for you and what you decide is up to you. I do understand your reasoning, but don't feel guilty if you don't stand by him, you were there those 10 years of abuse. I am sorry for him, but it could have happened anytime. ((((((HUGS))))))) and prayers.
Whatever you decide I am behind you.

@Carol- I fall between ChefSam's advice and Dianaro's. Not sure I would be able to offer a lot of support but when someone is incapacitated, it is hard not to. Wow. A difficult decision for sure. Be careful of his kids though. It will be easy for them to blame you for this when it is not your fault.
(((((HUGS))))) to you and your DD.

DD will probably give you the best advice.

Carol, I think the reason for my strong caution was his family. After the way his daughter treated you, will they even want you involved? Will you be willing to deal with her? UGH, what a mess.

Carol: I am so sorry that you have to go through this. (((HUGS)))

Forgot about that with the daughter. Be strong and stand your ground Carol!

Carol - Praying for you! The ladies have given fab advice (as always) and made some very good points. Please stay strong. His speech will more than likely return, and then he will be able to verbally abuse you just like he did before. Unless he is willing to change. However I do understand you are torn so all I will say is take each day as it comes. Take strength from all our prayers and your own ((((HUGS)))

Well I took yesterday off as I was at my cousins party Sunday until late and had way too many celebratory drinks lol. It was so good to see him and although I teared up I didn't cry. Even when he took me to one side and told me how much all the parcels I sent out to him meant, and how much he loved me. Gulp I am tearing up now thinking about it bless him.

So here is my provisional list of Goals for August

FAMILY
*Make sure I visit my dad and grandad once a week
*The 12th would of been my nans birthday so we will be marking the day in some way (not decided how yet)
*19th Muckerteers meeting (family meeting)

PERSONAL
*Read the books that are due back at the library on the 9th
*Work at healthy eating
*Walk for half an hour at least three times a week

HOME/GARDEN
*Scan the old photos and put them on the computer
*Dig vegetable garden
*Lay some slabs in the front garden
*Move some of the gravel from the front garden to the back
*paint garden wall

Just a very quick update....R's oldest brother, the one who called me to tell me what happened, had a talk with R's kids. He told them that I had been there 100% for their dad and told them to quit pulling their cr#p on me. They have been wonderful this afternoon. I think the combination of seeing their dad in this condition and seeing how he has responded with me by his side has said more than words could ever do.

I'll keep you all posted.

i'm praying for the entire family. good luck carol!

mary

That was a wise thing for R's brother to do. Glad to hear that isn't added stress for you. ((((((HUGS))))))).