Carol, think of it this way, you got through another tremendously difficult day and it is behind you now. Each day you will gain more strength.

Ah, the manipulation!! Don't fall for it!

Prayers going your way!

Carol: Hope you are staying strong this time. You need to protect your DD from him, not protect him from your DD's words! He's a grown man and your DD is still a child, even though she's now 16. And you need to be a good role model for her. Would you want to see her in a similar relationship?

Cyd....Thank you for the book suggestion. I'll check to see if our library has it. If not, I'll have them order it for me. Always love a book recommended.

Bless and others who have mentioned this....I know exactly what you are saying about that statement that I was supposed to "protect him from DD's words". I was flabergastered when he even said it. I thought to myself - he's lying or he's talking to wackos! You know, I just thought of something (see how the "veil is lifting"! It was a total fog covering me (denial) and it's all slowly becoming revealed to me.) He doesn't think that the words he said to DD (or to me for that matter) could hurt us, but this one conversation in which HE asked DD a question and she answered truthfully, I was supposed to protect him because the WORDS hurt him. Something is WRONG with that! LIGHTBULB MOMENT HERE!!!!


Thank you so much everyone for all of your support and prayers! You will probably never truly realize just how much it has helped me to remain strong to do this. Even though I knew that it was the right thing to do, it was SO hard. I loved him with everything I had, and it was not enough - that is hard to take. But, I can't fix him, not that I really tried anyway - I just loved him as God instructed and he refused to see and accept that love for what it was.

HE'S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! He left a little while ago, and I felt such an inner peace. Doesn't mean I'm not in pain, but I am at peace.
All of his things are gone. The house is so empty, but now my DD and I can fill it with love and laughter the way it's supposed to be.

As soon as I feel up to it, I am going to change the phone numbers and talk to the property manager to take him off the lease and to change the locks. Do not worry, I will not procrastinate about this. I will do it as soon as I feel a little bit better. Today or tomorrow for sure. He's gone from town until at least Friday so I will not have to see him until then. If he was telling me the truth, he is supposed to be signing a lease on a new place to live on Saturday so he will be back by then. Not back here at this house, but back in town.

Unfortunately, we live in a very small town and I will eventually see him no matter what I do to avoid it. I will try though. He works at the shopping center where the supermarket, the post office and the gas station are located. I will try to change my schedule and go to other close-by towns for my errands. I'll do what I have to do for my own sanity. No sense in causing myself any more pain by seeing him if I don't have to. If I could I would move away from here, but at this time, I cannot. I have to stay in this area for at least another year or so until DD graduates from high school because of her father and custody issues.

So on to Phase 2 of Goal "Get My Life Back" -
- Change cell phone #
- Change house phone #
- Talk to property manager about taking his name off the lease and changing the locks
- Clean the refrigerator (Yes - you might think this is a strange one, but it's a great time to do it because it's completely empty. I have not done any grocery shopping for awhile.)

I know that I will continue to add more and more to this list, but that's the start.....

I believe it is possible to block incoming cell call numbers as it is inconvenient to tell all your contacts and suppliers your new phone number. Would it be less expensive and more practical to filter incoming calls via an answering machine? If you get a new land-line number what is the process to keep it out of 'information' availability?

Perhaps we can help with ideas for furnishings and supplies to reduce expenses.

Carol, First of all CONGRATS! Here's to your new future. If you and DD both have cell phones, do you really need to keep your landline? Something you might think about to save money.

I never even thought about blocking the # so I just went and checked on it and it is not possible on my cell phone. Verizon says that you have to change your number.

Unfortunately, I do have to keep my landline because it is the only way we can get internet in this hick town. There is only one internet provider here and you have to have landline. Sounds like a monopoly, but that's how it is. Unfortunately, but I would LOVE to get rid of it. We never use it.

Forgot to add, that he's already called this morning since leaving and left a message for me to call him if I have changed my mind about going with him to call him. Uh....NO! I haven't changed my mind!

Change the locks ASAP. You haven't heard/seen the last of him yet.

Carol:
So glad he is gone, but make sure you are safe. I worry about you and DD. ((((((HUGS))))))) and prayers. I am proud of your strength, and think of all the pain he has caused you in the past, that should cool you down and have reality come into view.
He reminds me of a toddler trying to get his way, Whaaaaaa Whaaaaaaaaaa.

Oh Diana...That is EXACTLY what I have been thinking myself. For the past few months, I've been secretly calling his tirades Temper Tantrums because that is just what they are.

Making progress on my goals list:

I've just returned home from taking care of the phones. I didn't have to change my #. HURRAY! The guy at the Verizon office helped me block R's number from all of the phones on my account, which is mine, DD's and DS (on the off chance that he stoops to bugging him - he's 26 and been out of the house for the past 8 years, but hey, you never know). Anyway, if he calls any of our phones, he will get a message that says his number has been blocked.

Also, went to the phone company for the house phone and put a block on that as well.

It feels so good to know that I don't have to hear his voice on my phones.

I have not yet gone to the property management company. I just couldn't face that today.

I am right now in the process of blocking his email address so that he can't send anything to my email account. Just trying to figure out how to do that. I've done it before, just can't remember how.

DD is with her dad right now for visitation. She's been gone since Saturday morning. It would have been easier on me if she had been here, but as miserable as it is for her at her dad's house (aka boring), it was better for her to be there than here for her own sake these past few days. Tomorrow, she is going to Santa Cruz with her music teacher and her daughter for a couple of days. I'm sure she'll have a ton of fun. DD will be back home with me on Sunday afternoon. I miss her like crazy, but it is good to have some alone time right now.