Cyd....Thank you for the book suggestion. I'll check to see if our library has it. If not, I'll have them order it for me. Always love a book recommended.
Bless and others who have mentioned this....I know exactly what you are saying about that statement that I was supposed to "protect him from DD's words". I was flabergastered when he even said it. I thought to myself - he's lying or he's talking to wackos! You know, I just thought of something (see how the "veil is lifting"! It was a total fog covering me (denial) and it's all slowly becoming revealed to me.) He doesn't think that the words he said to DD (or to me for that matter) could hurt us, but this one conversation in which HE asked DD a question and she answered truthfully, I was supposed to protect him because the WORDS hurt him. Something is WRONG with that! LIGHTBULB MOMENT HERE!!!!
Thank you so much everyone for all of your support and prayers! You will probably never truly realize just how much it has helped me to remain strong to do this. Even though I knew that it was the right thing to do, it was SO hard. I loved him with everything I had, and it was not enough - that is hard to take. But, I can't fix him, not that I really tried anyway - I just loved him as God instructed and he refused to see and accept that love for what it was.
HE'S GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! He left a little while ago, and I felt such an inner peace. Doesn't mean I'm not in pain, but I am at peace.
All of his things are gone. The house is so empty, but now my DD and I can fill it with love and laughter the way it's supposed to be.
As soon as I feel up to it, I am going to change the phone numbers and talk to the property manager to take him off the lease and to change the locks. Do not worry, I will not procrastinate about this. I will do it as soon as I feel a little bit better. Today or tomorrow for sure. He's gone from town until at least Friday so I will not have to see him until then. If he was telling me the truth, he is supposed to be signing a lease on a new place to live on Saturday so he will be back by then. Not back here at this house, but back in town.
Unfortunately, we live in a very small town and I will eventually see him no matter what I do to avoid it. I will try though. He works at the shopping center where the supermarket, the post office and the gas station are located. I will try to change my schedule and go to other close-by towns for my errands. I'll do what I have to do for my own sanity. No sense in causing myself any more pain by seeing him if I don't have to. If I could I would move away from here, but at this time, I cannot. I have to stay in this area for at least another year or so until DD graduates from high school because of her father and custody issues.
So on to Phase 2 of Goal "Get My Life Back" -
- Change cell phone #
- Change house phone #
- Talk to property manager about taking his name off the lease and changing the locks
- Clean the refrigerator (Yes - you might think this is a strange one, but it's a great time to do it because it's completely empty. I have not done any grocery shopping for awhile.)
I know that I will continue to add more and more to this list, but that's the start.....