***Disclaimer: I know I am a mod so it seems like sometimes I have all the answers but I need to recognize it right now that I am not superwoman and I need help because I am struggling in my life right now. I am purely going through the motions and am just surviving, I am not enjoying my life and I don't want to continue like this. *****

Hi, my name is Tina, I am a mod on GON and have loved my time here getting to know some really wonderful people who do inspire me to live my life to the fullest. I am 23 years old, living currently with my fiance and brother in law, and 4 cats. We are renting a two-level townhouse. I just graduated last week with an education degree and I am hoping to teach middle school or high school especially social studies and english. I am hoping to return to school to get my teaching english as a second language certificate as well as a master's degree in special education.

Okay, more background info.

My fiance went home for a couple weeks, for a special work position, while home he interviewed and got offered a great summer position. With no interviews or anything here, he had to take it. So now, its just me, my brother-in-law, and 4 cats living here for the summer. He is useless, he doesn't help around the house much and gets upset/refuses to talk about it or help more. So guess who is stuck running the household while working.

I know your first instinct is to say get my brother in law to help but honestly he is not organized, is messy, doesn't care what the house looks like at all ever and lives still like a bachelor. So its going to be up to me.

Secondly, my health is suffering. I am an asthmatic with allergies to pollen which is really starting to act up. I hurt my knee Friday morning getting into a vehicle. I popped my knee in and out and I pulled at least a couple of ligaments in it and it hurts alot. Been ice'ing it as much as possible, trying to rest when possible , advil, and braced it. Not to mention I am working at least 25 hours a week on my feet at a grocery store.

Another problem is I am not eating/exercising well right now, so I need to work on the meal planning thread asap. Because of this my digestive system is acting up, so I know this really important.

In my next post I mention some of the many projects I want to accomplish this summer.

So here is the question, how to do I manage to organize my time to get everything done?????

***Copied from June 1st Challenge thread:

So here is my list and later I will sub-divide each project into its parts:
-clean living room, dining room, and kitchen
-clean out hall closet
-clean out upstairs fan
-work on painting project, I just started a landscape on a large canvas
-clean out office space
-organize file system
-create CV/update resume
-apply for teaching positions in the fall
-look at going back to school in the fall (find out all info. needed)
-check on student loans, try to get them deferred even longer
-get substituting package done up for the fall
-organize ideas for new work ideas to earn extra income
-start a new website, writing a book
-meal planning so that I can fix my digestive issues
-start losing weight

Tina, your fiance needs to get involved if your BIL is not going to get off his butt. It's not fair to leave you in that position. You need to put your foot down and DEMAND that things be done. Period. Do not allow them to walk all over you and take advantage.

BTW, are all of the cats yours?

What about BIL finding a new place to live, and getting a decent housemate with more compatible habits? With allergies and asthma, the lack of his cleaning and the cats will be a bit threat to your health, and thus to your time management. In the short term--depending on how the lease is written--lay down a bit of "law" regarding public areas, basic sanitation, etc... or, have him pay a decidedly larger share of the housing costs, and resign yourself to doing a lot of tidy-up (not ideal.)

With the projects, can you tackle them in short bursts each day? Group things like phone calls, email-writing, etc. The CV update/creation can be done in small segments, or a one-hour chunk (and can be done sitting down, a benefit to your poor knee!)

Some exercise will work in as physical therapy--have you been given things to do to strengthen and help rehab your knee? If not, you might ask for at-home things you can do, even without paying for an official rehab clinic.

When I am overwhelmed with all the things I have to do/want to do/feel like I ought to do, I try to sit down and write out a list of all those things.

Then, I try to prioritize the list - what are the things I absolutely have to do? What can I put off until I have more time? What can be eliminated altogether? What things can be done in 15 mins or less, even if they are not high priority?

Then, I'd start on the list, doing the high priority "must do" projects first, interspersed with some of the quick 15 mins. or less projects, just to have the satisfaction of crossing things off my list. Sometimes, it is worth it to get these small quick items done first, as they don't take that much time and they help to whittle down the list.

I hope you find a workable solution, Tina. From my 53 year old point of view, you are too young at 23 to be burdened with so much. ((((HUGS))))

In order to not permanently sabotage your relationship with your future DBIL, could you straight forward ask for his help. For instance, could you ask, "Frank, I was planning on cleaning the upstairs fan today; but since I hurt myself I was wondering if you could do it for me? I'll hand you the cleaning supplies, if you'll do the climbing."

The one thing that really helped me was to plan a project per page. I would label a page that would say Clean Kitchen, then I would list everything that I would need to do to get that job.
Organize drawer 1, organize drawer 2, organize drawer three,
Organize cupboard 1, organize pantry, clean out fridge, defrost freezer, clean stove, clean oven, clean microwave, wash window, clean out dishwasher, shine sink, sweep floor, mop floor, wash trash can, wash rugs. I would put one task on a line. That way I would know what was already completed, because I highlighted the job when it was completed. Or you could say I'll work 45 minutes per day until this job is completed.

It's easier to know exactly where you are and to move from a list. Plus you don't have to expend more energy worrying about where you are. Lists are great, especially when recovering.
Plus you can make detailed plans from a chair and count that as time on the project! WIN WIN!

tina, i think striving's reply about asking for help is probably much better than my gut reaction which was to hire someone and insist that your bf and bil each pay at least 1/3.

also it's ok not to do it all. ete needs to be done, but deep cleaning like fans can wait.

hugs

mary

ChefSam, two of the cats are me and my fiance's, two were my brother in law's.

I will ask my fiance to talk to my brother in law about helping out more.

We have a lease that is signed until August and reality is with my fiance still in school and that I am just finished with no full time work, we will be renewing our lease for at least one more year. We can't afford to live in this city on our own, the rent is too high.

I will find out exercise's for my knee so that it will start improving.

Thanks Bless for your imput, I do need to start organizing myself with a list and if nothing else JDI.

Striving, can I just say how much you nailed the situation on the head, in the end he is family and I don't want to do anything that would sabatoge that in the long run.
The project lists sound like exactly what I need.

Tina

When I was sick a yr ago recovery took forever and I learned the basic daily minium plan.. What bless does just I call it something else.. it worked.. Somethings fell by the wayside but and this is my addiction to lists showing..i made a list of all of them and if i find i have time i put one back at a time

Tina, is it possible to look at downsizing or maybe a longer commute to eliminate BIL in the living arrangements???